What Is Comphet?

What does comphet mean and why is it important to talk about?

If you've found yourself searching 'am I a lesbian?' and then swiftly deleting it from your history, just know that you're not alone.

Questioning your sexuality is totally normal and it's not surprising since society is catered more for the heteronormative. What you might be dealing with is comphet, or compulsory heterosexuality, which we'll dive into and explain, because it can bring up a lot of confusion.

Why should you trust me? As a self-identifying lesbian, I've been wearing the comphet shoes on and off my whole life, so I totally understand how hard it can be to figure out your sexual orientation while battling with societal norms. Oooh, it's like an English Lit class here.

P.S. labels are just labels, it's no-ones business who you like and who you sleep with (or don't).

If you've just started university, you might be excited about Freshers' Week and meeting new people, but it's important to keep your wits about you, especially when it comes to safe sex. Make sure you know how to stay safe during Freshers' so you can begin your uni journey off to a great start.

Comphet meaning

Compulsory heterosexuality, or comphet, is the idea that heterosexuality is the default sexual identity. The theory suggests that heterosexuality is enforced (consciously or not) by the patriarchal and heteronormative society.

The term was made popular by Adrienne Rich — feminist poet of the 20th Century — in her now-famous 26-page essay, Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence (1980). This concept claims that heterosexuality is often assumed because of societal norms, with other sexual identities then falling into the category of wrong or abnormal.

While compulsory heterosexuality can affect any gender, it tends to affect mostly women — thanks to the misogyny of the world.

Comphet masterdoc

The 'Am I a Lesbian?' master doc was written and published on Tumblr in 2018 by Angeli Luz under the handle @cyberlesbian. The 31-page document sets guidelines for navigating women's understanding of their sexuality, with a look at the role of compulsory heterosexuality.

"Women are taught from a very early age that making men happy is our job. We're supposed to be pretty for men, we're supposed to change the way we talk so men will take us more seriously, we're supposed to want a man's love more than anything else. Our magazines are full of sex tips on how to better please men, our movies are about how we're supposed to fall in love with men."

The document is worth a look-in if you're questioning your sexuality. Here are a few bullet points that are of note if you're questioning:

• You expect relationships with men to be unfulfilling by default

• You like the idea of men being attracted to you, but you dislike the idea of being attracted to men

• When fantasising about men, you're not really into the man in your fantasy. You imagine another woman in place of yourself or imagine that you're the man in the fantasy

• You're only attracted to fictional men, celebrities, or men that are completely unattainable (i.e. your teacher, gay men, men in established relationships etc)

• You know that lesbians exist but you think you can't possibly be one of them because if you were, you'd know already

• You think your interest in seeing attractive women stems from the sexualisation and objectification of women in media

Educate yourself on the queer world, like all the LGBTQ+ flags you might see, especially during Pride months.

Heteronormative meaning

Heteronormative meaning — relating to a world or societal view that promotes heterosexuality as the normal or preferred sexual orientation. It involves the assumption that all people are straight and cisgender (gender they were born as).

Heteronormative implies heterosexuality is the default setting for people, suggesting it's natural and privileged. It is seen as the 'ideal', superior to homosexuality, bisexuality, asexuality, and other sexual orientations.

Some examples of heteronormativity include:

• Gender roles — wife stays home with the kids while the husband goes off to work

• Penis-in-vagina intercourse represented as the only way to have 'proper' sex. Losing your virginity is often linked to intercourse, implying lesbians never 'lose' their virginity if they've never had penetrative sex

• Toy cars are for boys, dolls are for girls only

• Treating homosexuality as a 'phase'

• Equating sexuality with appearance, e.g. feminine men are gay, butch women are lesbians

• Documents forcing people to check 'male' or 'female' boxes

• Assuming queerness is a choice, and a wrong one; while straightness is default

Whatever your sexual orientation is, a new relationship is exciting but potentially nerve-wracking, so make sure you know how to set and communicate healthy relationship boundaries.

Compulsory Heterosexuality in film and television

From queer-coded characters like Velma and Regina George, to entire genre tropes – pop culture is chock full of compulsory heterosexuality.

Is Regina George a lesbian?

Maybe not something you've wondered, but you'll definitely be able to see how comphet comes into play.

Regina George, the queen bee of Mean Girls (2004) herself. Regina displays the trademark behaviours of someone working hard to lead in the inherent racetrack of female competition; her hyper-feminine, pink look can be viewed as Regina's dedicated performance of compulsory heterosexuality.

Various tweets, blogs and articles argue the fact that Regina's attraction for Cady (played by Lindsay Lohan) is shrouded in aggression because she's closeted — so she terrorises Cady to keep herself hidden.

High-femme (like Regina) queer women are a seemingly more protected class of queer people because they are perceived as straight women by other straight people. In a society that makes assumptions based on aesthetics, Regina keeps herself safe within her performed heterosexuality. She is admired to an almost god-like status at high school, but only really by other women. Other women at school are enamoured by Regina in a far more intense way than she receives male attention.

Although the girls' attention isn't romantic or sexual — it's clear that they need her approval. As for Janice, Regina's ex-best friend, she's ostracised as a lesbian — arguably to throw the scent off Regina herself.

Sex with men, to Regina George, seems far more focussed on maintaining power, i.e. the power play of dating the hottest guy at school is a move towards maintaining a public image. After all, she finds it fairly easy to cheat on Aaron Samuels, yet puts a tonne of effort into ruining Janice's reputation and keeping rule of The Plastics. The overt display of her male relationships and obsessive policing of other girls' appearances and actions nearly makes her a textbook definition of a Comp Het lesbian. At the end of the film, she even joins the field hockey team—a subtle jab at lesbian tropes.

Makes sense, doesn't it?

Velma Dinkely

Velma is an unusual case of a character who has moved from queer-coded to canon, meaning she has since been confirmed as a lesbian, but that wasn't always the case. While Velma has always been suggested to be queer, it wasn't until 2020 that Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated producer Tony Cervone confirmed Velma is a lesbian, and always has been.

The clues were there all along, in a traditional sense, like more masculine dressing compared to Daphne and few romantic interests. In fact, James Gunn, writer of the first two live-action Scooby-Doo films, tweeted: "In 2001 Velma was explicitly gay in my initial script. But the studio just kept watering it down & watering it down, becoming ambiguous (the version shot), then nothing (the released version) & finally having a boyfriend (the sequel)."

Jinkies…

Rom-coms and perceived straightness

We've not here to bash and shame Rom-Coms — they're great, funny, and often very heart-warming, if not a tad cliché. But, there are few Rom-Coms that centre around gay/lesbian relationships, with most being the traditional 'boy meets girl' vibe.

For example, at the end of the classic film When Harry Met Sally (1989), the film pretty much accepts Harry's theory that men and women can't be friends because sex will always end up getting in the way. But that's not all, Rom-Coms (especially the older ones), follow similar dynamics; the woman and the man really don't get along to begin with, she often shows zero interest in him or considers him only as a friend, she's likely never been in love before or suffered through a long string of failed relationships, and then one day some sort of change catalyses the romantic progression of the relationship.

And this isn't to say all Rom-Coms are entirely unrealistic, or that straight love can't look like it does on screen. But all these films imply that heterosexual love can overcome all obstacles and is universal among all people. It's the natural inevitability that's ubiquitous in the genre. The man and the woman always end up together, no matter what. Despite the fact that a real and inherent lack of attraction or interest in men isn't just an obstacle to overcome, or one that would finally be proved wrong by finding the right guy.

But I'm a Cheerleader (1999)

Lastly, let's talk about the esteemed classic But I'm a Cheerleader.

The late-90s comedy is set at a conversion therapy camp called True Directions (not to be confused with Glee's New Directions). The film follows cheerleader Megan (Natasha Lyonne) who is sent to the camp after her parents become concerned by her lesbian tendencies — which include eating tofu and owning a poster of Melissa Etheridge. Major lols there.

A young RuPaul stars as a reformed ex-gay counsellor who helps the attendees reorientate and adopt behaviours that reinforce stereotypical gender roles. The girls dress in only pink, take on domestic chores and try on wedding dresses — while the boys chop wood and fix cars. Not-so-subtly, the film's display of heteronormative ideas expose them as something to be ridiculed for following such strict conventional norms.

Unlike a lot of queer media, there also isn't a sad, tragic ending in which a lesbian dies or is left for a man. The film even regards the gendered expectations thrust upon the kids in the film as something harmful to everyone in society – even straight people. Jan, who is the butchest of the girls, actually comes out as straight, saying: "Everybody thinks I'm a big dyke because I wear baggy pants and play softball and I'm not as pretty as other girls. But that doesn't make me gay."

If you want to watch any of these classic movies that we mentioned, sign up to Student Beans and unlock exclusive film and TV student discounts, including Disney+.

In a long-distance relationship? Check out how to make a long-distance relationship work with challenges, expectations, and intimacy.